So there has been this blogging campaign-type thing happening recently where bloggers make an attempt at transparency by posting things they are afraid to tell their readers. Some have done really well, but I'm sorry to say that some, in my opinion, totally missed the point. Now, because I want to be like all the cool, big [blogger] kids, I want to participate in sharing what I'm afraid to tell. But I have run into a snag... I am already a transparent kind of blogger. Probably because a total of about five people read my blog, and they happen to be my dad, and my best friend, and a few good friends from home. Anyway, I already divulge way too much about my personal life, so I figured I would think really long and hard about the things I am afraid to tell myself. And maybe some of you can relate, or offer words of wisdom - yeah, that means you, three readers. So... here goes!
1. This is possibly the worst of them all. So I'm just going to get it out in the air to begin with. When my ex boyfriend/good friend told me I had become this "cool, hipster girl" I totally shuddered with delight on the insight. I like to convince myself that I just do my own thing, but come on, guys, I love my hipster glasses, and honestly can't wait until my hair is long enough to do a legitimate topknot. I hate coffee, and I'm not nearly trendy enough to be a real hipster, but I can be secretly so pleased when someone says I am one, can't I?
2. I'm actually absolutely not excited to start at my new school in September. I regret my transfer almost every day. I know that it's going to be just fine... no... I don't know that... I'm just really, really hopeful it's going to. I know it's the best thing for my career - I just can't do what I want to do at my old school. I use the terms "old" and "new" just to keep them straight for y'all. I still refer to the old one as my school... probably always will. I'm scared of my relationships with friends from there becoming strained, or even disappearing, I'm afraid of making new friends, I'm afraid of not knowing anyone ever, I'm afraid of living on my own. Pretty much just afraid of the change. I'm more scared for the transition between universities than I was for the one between high school and my frosh year.
3. I don't accomplish nearly enough in a day. I actually have felt utterly useless since getting home - I can't wait to start working in a couple weeks! All I'll be doing is working, but it's better than sitting on my butt and watching HBO all day... [have you seen the new series Girls yet?! Super good. Highly recommended for Sex and the City fans! Mother, this isn't an invitation for you to make me dust. I don't want to dust, I'm not going to dust, and just so you know, I'd sweep the dirt under the rug when I was mad at you about making me sweep when I was a kid. Sorry about that one... my sister tied knots in the fringe of that rug, so if you get mad at me, you have to get mad at her too.
4. I really need to stop creeping so hard on Facebook. I should probably just get rid of Facebook. I'm definitely that person who checks on the status of a little list of people every single day. This includes everything from my best friend, to friends of friends who have really annoying status updates that me and the best friend really enjoying mocking. Half our texts back and forth are just her statuses... we're horrible... we know... maybe confessing this now will save me from eternal damnation. Doubtful...
5. This one is also pretty hard to admit to myself... but I keep telling myself that I'm totally over this one dude... the three people reading this will know who it is... well, maybe not my dad. Sorry, Dad. But I definitely am not... see above with "list of people I creep on Facebook on a daily basis". I also just have to accept that even if I decide not to get over it ever, I'll be a hermit, because it's just not going to happen. Fact. Even though he's extra beautiful. And pretty cool. And smooth [Em, Em, am I right, am I right?] I guess. In the words of myself "he's meh." [Which is a good thing. If you're "meh" you're good. Solid. Keep it rockin' soldja. I'm embarrassed I just did that...] Well this was embarrassing... sorry about gushing about my creepy crush...
6. I should probably just buy new pants, because wishfully putting on my favourite pants every couple of days to see if they fit isn't going to make them fit any better than eating a pound of butter. Which I would gladly do. I like butter. Not like, by itself, but I would eat a pound of butter on other things. Or just mixed with brown sugar... I'd eat that all on its lonesome. Honestly, I'm not particularly concerned about the weight gain [I secretly like it because, not going to lie, I was a twig before, and that's pokey. No one likes boney women. Fact #2. I love my body, even if it can't reach things on the top shelf, and that's what matters, as long as I'm healthy.]
7. I really really wanted glasses for... well... for forever; I was so excited when the optometrist told me that I needed to wear glasses because my eyes are all wonky and lopsided, and since one is near sighted, and one is far sighted, they both work way to hard to figure all dat out, and I ended up with horrible headaches. The funny thing is, now that I have glasses, I absolutely hate wearing them. Most of the time I sort of just neglect them during the day, until I have to read something, and I'll wear them in the morning and evening [I guess that's probably because that's when I do most of my reading], or if I'm on the computer or something, but I don't wear them the rest of the time. They make my nose sweaty and greasy, and I hate them. It's okay, I'm legal to drive without them. I just have not so great depth perception... not bad enough that I'm going to swerve wildly into your lane, just bad enough that I drop things and walk into doorframes a lot... but not in the mornings or evenings, or when I'm reading or on the computer!
That last one was less something I need to admit to myself, more something I just need to deal with [the fact that I really should wear my glasses so my eyes don't fall out of my head...]
Anyway, there are 6-7 things that I needed to admit to myself. And now that I've done it... well... I've done it. Go me!
